Positivity

Here is a new update on my life... I'm trying to be more positive.

I can't help but notice that I have a lot of negativity surrounding me. Of course, I find the silver lining in everything, but I have become used to being negative. It's a habit with my friends and I... We find it humorous... All in all, I am finding it EXTREMELY difficult to be more positive. It's taking way too long, and I am having to bite my tongue whenever I have something negative/clever to say. Do you guys know what I'm talking about?? The situation where someone says something that you know you can make fun of. It's ripe for the picking. So you say it but it ends up hurting that persons feelings, and making everyone else feel awkward. Yep... that's what I am trying to defeat. The only conclusion I can come to that pertains to helping me achieve my "positive" goal is surrounding myself with more positive people.

Now, this doesn't mean that I am going to removing all of my friends out of my life. I wouldn't do that. I just need to add more positive people in. And I don't want to make this blog about religion, but it wouldn't hurt to find a group of nice christian friends, because I really need God in my life right now. To tell you the truth, I am still in my "unhappy" funk that I was in when I wrote my first blog post. Like I said, it's taking forever. I wish there was an easy button I could push that made everything better. I could push it and be rich and famous, and able to pay for college in a flash. Sadly, there is nothing like that so I have to survive this journey before things are handed to me on a silver platter. And even then, it's not that easy.

You want to know what I am really tired of? And I know you will agree. I'm tired of waiting for things to happen. Why can't I just be brave and take risks?! It's exhausting. I have no idea what's holding me back.

I really hope some of you are feeling what I am feeling? And I hope you can feel comfortable enough to talk about it with me. Maybe we can get through this together.

AK

Applesauce Raisin Cake with Spiced Cream Cheese Frosting

I made this cake for my Mother's Birthday dinner on Sunday! It's really easy to make, and it fills your house with wonderful Fall smells! I combined two recipes to make this, so here you go!!!

CAKE

Ingredients

• 4 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 teaspoons baking soda
• 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 1 teaspoon ground cloves
• 1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1 stick of butter
• 2 cups white sugar
• 2 eggs
• 2 1/2 cups applesauce
• 1 1/2 cups chopped walnuts
• 2 cups raisins

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C). Grease and flour a 9x13 inch pan. Mix together the flour, baking soda, cinnamon, cloves and nutmeg. Set aside.
2. In a large bowl, cream together the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in the eggs one at a time. Beat in the flour mixture alternately with the applesauce. Fold in the walnuts and raisins. Pour batter into prepared pan.
3. Bake in the preheated oven for 40 to 45 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean. Allow to cool.

FROSTING

8 oz cream cheese, room temperature

1 stick butter, room temperature

4-5 cups powdered sugar

1 tablespoon vanilla extract

1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon nutmeg

Combine cream cheese and butter in a mixer until smooth. Add powdered sugar gradually, alternating with vanilla extract. Add spices. Frost cupcakes as desired.

Lemon Blueberry Cupcakes with Lemon Cream Cheese Icing!

I just made these DELICIOUS cupcakes. I'm really getting into cooking lately. Especially desserts and pastries! I'll put the recipe on here incase you want to give them a try!

Ingredients

Cupcakes:

• 3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2 sticks butter
• 2 cups sugar
• 3 eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• Zest of 1 lemon
• 2 cups sour cream
• 1 1/2 cups fresh blueberries

Frosting:

• 1 sticks butter
• 8 ounces cream cheese
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• Juice and zest of 1 lemon
• 3 to 4 cups powdered sugar

Directions

For the cupcakes: Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Line cupcake tins with 24 paper liners.

Mix the flour, soda and salt together in a bowl. Set aside. Add the butter and sugar to a mixing bowl and cream until light and fluffy. Add the eggs 1 at a time and mix thoroughly. Add the vanilla and lemon zestand mix to combine. Add the dry mixture in 3 parts alternating with the sour cream, ending with dry mixture. Stir in the blueberries. Fill the prepared tins two-thirds full and bake 16 to 20 minutes. Cool.

For the frosting: Cream the butter and cream cheese until smooth. Add the vanilla, lemon zest and juice and blend until combined. Add the powdered sugar gradually until combined.

Frost the cooled cupcakes with the cream cheese frosting.

Exhausted...

It seems like, no matter what I do, I'm disappointing someone... Do you ever get that feeling?

You think your finally doing something right in your life then BAM you have left someone behind that is utterly and irrevocably disappointed in you... It makes me feel guilty. I can't, for the life of me, get out of this funk. Either I don't have enough friends, I'm becoming a grandma that thinks she has to go to bed for 9 hours every night, or people are dropping me as their friend left and right. Is this growing up? Seriously? It sucks.

...I have a plan... I want to travel the world and leave all of this behind. Meet new people who have no idea what I'm like, and surprise them when I tell my first funny joke, or give someone a compliment that will make them love me forever.

I'm tired of disappointing people. But life isn't fair is it? No, life has to give you crap for every good thing you do. It's only the people who are rich and successful at an early age, who can live their fantasy life. The rest of us, have to pay our due process. We have to survive this twisted journey, before we end up on top. And even then... we still might leave someone behind. It's impossible for us not to.

I'm not usually this depressing of a person, but when I get a feeling like this, I find the best way to get rid of it, is to write it down, or talk to someone about it. This is the best of both worlds. Again, I write this blog in hopes that there are people just like me, out there. Who feel exactly like I feel, and who are going through the same things that I am going through. I have no intentions of hurting feelings, shoving my beliefs down your throat, or asking for money to help me in my "terrible" life. To tell you the truth, my life is actually wonderful. I'm not in the right place right now, but that's my own fault, and I'm working my way out.

I sometimes forget how truly lucky I am. I have an amazing family, incredible friends, and the most beautiful world surrounding me. There is beauty to be found, and I'm out to find it.

-Anna Kathryn